


Payback is Not Always Sweet

by EctoJyunk



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amaurotine Lahabrea is Baby and Thancred's gonna take advantage of it, Comedy, Eventual Smut, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:15:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26997313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EctoJyunk/pseuds/EctoJyunk
Summary: The Scions are sent back into Amaurot, to a time where the world is Unsundered. While everyone is figuring out how to procreed, Thancred stumbles across his former foe and possessor. Post 5.0 Canon-Divergence
Relationships: Lahabrea/Thancred Waters
Comments: 5
Kudos: 33





	1. Close Encounters of the Fourteenth Kind

Bright, blindingly bright. A stark contrast from the dim and mellow mood Amaurot radiates during the late hours of the night, which seemed like the only time it should exist to Thancred. It was to be expected; Emet-Selch’s imitation in the depths of the Tempest was the only experience he had with the city prior to Sycrus Tower malfunctioning and sending them back a little too far. It was a memory he wished to forget but made all too relevant when he was teleported into the living, breathing version of the ghost town they all  _ almost  _ died in. 

The people strolling about around him weren’t mere shades anymore, nor were they thrice his size. This was thanks to the enchanting magicks Hythlodaeus cast when the Scions complained that their outings often resulted in awkward glances and attempts at not getting stomped underfoot by unsuspecting citizens. Thus they were brought up to the same size… It was also possible the entire city had been brought down to their size.  It was hard to say, as Hythlodaeus’ only comment after the enchantment was “Um, weeell” he began with a nervous tone, “This method was not what I had in mind but, it works!”. Technicalities like that would come bite him in the arse when his best friend was  _ the  _ Head Architect, but that's none of Thancred’s concern. Though it seemed like Ryne was particularly protective of Hyth when he got told off by Emet-Selch. “Okay so he may have done a bit of japery in the past but!” Ryne interjected once when Emet was in the middle of scolding Hythlodaeus for sticking fire and ice elementals into the staff room of the Bureau of Architect to create a make-shift sauna. “He had- has good intentions in mind! Everyone needed some reprieve from work in that office...” She finished with a defiant pout. In that instance, Emet-Selch was defeated, either due to him not being able to deal with children or, due to cute innocent creatures being one of his very few vulnerabilities. Yes, they probably still were “creatures” in the stubborn prick’s mind.

Thancred's moment of fond reminiscence was cut short with a loud  _ thump _ . 

"Woah!— " he yelped as he almost toppled over. Luckily, he quickly regained his balance. Unluckily, the person who he had bumped into was not dexterous enough and ungracefully landed flat on their butt; their books and papers flying all around the air, landing haphazardly between the two of them. 

“Sorry stranger, I was not paying attention,”

“No no, not your fault-” 

He recognised the man's voice, though the layered language he was speaking masked it with a certain otherworldly unfamiliarity.

Thancred bent down to help the Amaurotine who was already on his knees, gathering his strewn documents. Thancred shot a glance at him between reaching different papers threatening to be swept away by the wind. He couldn’t see his face, or rather whatever the mask wasn’t covering of his face, but he did see that he had long golden locks cascading out from his robe; so long it was almost touching the pavement. He picked some up himself and held the documents towards the grey robed man, 

"Here you are,"

"Ah, thank you."

"No p-" 

Thancred's breath hitched when the Amaurotine turned to face him. It was  _ that _ mask, the crimson hue bled into his eyes, a perpetually angry look morphed the mask and its fangs bit down at the man’s cheeks. It had entered his body and soul once, along with its sadistic owner. He jumped back before the masked man could straighten himself, his hands went to his gunblade to draw it. A moment's hesitation,  _ what if he's not the same man… _ No matter, he couldn't take the risk. He unsheathed his sword and pointed it towards the man’s face.

"Lahabrea…" 

His voice was seething with hatred, gunblade aimed straight at the so-called Lahabrea. But despite the act of aggression, Lahabrea was surprisingly calm— one would think Thancred was just having a friendly chat with him. 

"Ahh, so you've heard of me," Lahabrea approached Thancred, not acknowledging his battle stance. 

"Unfortunately I have to make my way to the Akademia as soon as possible," Inching ever so closer, he was now too close for comfort, Thancred took a swing at him. Lahabrea easily caught the blade between his fingers like it was a piece of paper which left Thancred utterly baffled. He tried to draw back but his gunblade was stuck in the Amaurotine's grip. 

"Oh? Such a curious design, what's its purpose?" Lahabrea inquired as if he'd just laid eyes on the blade.

"Urgh, let go and I might make you find out!"

Lahabrea promptly relaxed his fingers which made Thancred stagger back in surprise when the tension holding his weapon was no longer there.  _ What in the Twelve is his deal!? _

"Anyway, I'd be willing to answer any ques-"

"Stop with the charade already Lahabrea. I never got the chance to get back at you after what you did to me. We settle things here and now!" 

"I have no-" The Speaker stopped and tilted his head to the side. 

"Ah-" His posture tensed. "Might you be Master Thancred?..."

Silence. And then- a big burst of cackling laughter. The one who burst the quiet was Thancred. His laughter dying down to a low wheeze, he proceeded to sheath his gunblade with a sharp clicking noise. 

"Ok ok. You really don't remember huh? Otherwise you, well, the Lahabrea I knew, would never use 'Master' for my title."

"Emet-Selch filled me in. I've already taken a look at the soul crystal that had my future-self's memory stored in it." He took a deep breath, "So, I do remember, in a sense of the word. And because of that, Master Thancred, I'm deeply sorry... The anguish I caused  _ and  _ felt in that memory crystal was..." He paused to find the right words, an unfamiliar situation for The Speaker. "-more a disparaging, uhm... emotion to feel than I ever thought possible."

Thancred sighed. Lahabrea not being the annoying arsehole he usually was making his vengeance-seeking all too difficult to act upon. 

"Well apologies won't cut it, Ascian." He snipped. Part of him was starting to feel sympathy for the guy, after all he didn't commit those atrocious crimes that scarred so many people.  _ Yet _ he corrected himself.

"Of course. That sentiment is all too natural… Then, perhaps I can make it up to you?" He waved his hands to illustrate, magical strings swirling around it. "Please ask of me what you wish-"

*bzzz*

*bzzz*

Something in Lahabrea's bag had started vibrating incessantly. He grumbled and reached into it to pull out a thin glass-like screen. He tapped on it for all but a second before he put it away. "I'm late for-" Noticing Thancred's unamused expression and bored foot tapping he stopped and cleared his throat. 

"I am late for the meeting  _ but  _ I can put it off for a bit longer, if you wish." he finished.

Thancred smirked, this was just too easy. 

" _Oh no no,_ please don't let me keep you. We can continue this,"

A hand on Lahabrea's shoulder, a cold smile.

"Another time." 

"Yes…" 

Lahabrea bowed his head slightly, and Thancred caught a glimpse of his peculiar eyes behind the mask. He does carry himself pretty gracefully, Thancred thought. But, the more positives he noticed about the man, the more bitter he grew. He hadn't even realised Lahabrea was half-way across the street until he heard him call out his name.

"Master Thancred!"

He turned to look at the Speaker.

"I swear upon my dignity as Lahabrea, Speaker of Amaurot, I  _ will _ make it up to you. That, I promise." 

He gave a solemn wave and this time, truly headed off. Thancred returned the gesture with minimal effort and mused at the all too serious and dramatic send-off Lahabrea gave him.

_ At least that part hasn't changed _ …  _ Now _ ,

He changed course back to the Tower, suddenly, he had a lot more to do than just take strolls in the streets of a bustling city.

  
  



	2. The Yeast of my Worries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thancred and Lahabrea begin their... Date? Tour? Youtube prank series?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the little tangent with Emet there in the middle but I couldn't help to throw a bit of hc's in there. Hope you enjoy this chapter, the next ones will be posted quicker as I have most of it drafted already :)c

Thancred was lounging on one of the uncomfortable sofas in the Tower. He’d gotten a long rest and was musing about the “favours” he had thought up for Lahabrea. None of them were written down as he had previously planned, he decided that a half-spontaneous approach was more exciting, as he did prepare a little surprise for him for breakfast. He also had Hythlodaeus contact Lahabrea’s secretary to arrange a free day for the busy Convocation member. He got word in less than an hour that his request was granted.  
 _This must be what it’s like to have friends in high places huh_...

  
He slowly stretched his limbs and got up, then picked up the pace and steadily moved to the make-shift bathroom to get ready. He would’ve taken his sweet time if he didn’t want to make the most out of the time allotted to them. Even if making Lahabrea wait around for him with no reason other than a nonsensical excuse he’d come up with on the spot was endlessly amusing to him.

He finished getting ready and bumped into a familiar Elezen on his way out.

“Hast thou somewhere to be? ‘Tis unusual to see thy countenance _this_ early,”  
Urianger inquired, knowing the usual process of his friend’s unorganised way of going about in the morning.

“Actually, yes. Seems there’s more to do in this city than just gawk and be gawked at,” Thancred replied and promptly left without further explanation, leaving behind a mildly confused Urianger. He didn’t need people to ask him about this little rendezvous, as he knew they’d question his decision making in antagonising one of the most powerful people in the city. He made his way down the stairs, almost hopping between his steps, and exited the Tower’s front gates.

The people had just started getting out of their homes and making their way to work or studies, sometimes stopping to adjust their masks or robes in the reflective glasses of the nearby store windows. Thancred took a deep breath and set out towards his destination.

* * *

“Lahabrea, I heard you wouldn’t be present today. Has your workaholic nature finally begun to put a damper on your memory?”

  
Lahabrea, not needing to turn around, knew that voice belonged to one of his more discourteous colleagues.

  
“I dropped by to leave some confidential updates of yesterday's discussion for my assistant. They’ll be taking over for the day.”

  
“Why not transfer them with the private aethernet? Loghrif worked really hard to get that up and running for us you know,” Emet-Selch questioned the stubborn perceptor.

Lahabrea sighed, he knew just how Emet-Selch operated by now. His snide would hide the all-too-obvious fact that he cared about his friends and co-workers. As demonstrated right now by him pitching Logrif’s unfortunate and unpopular system of transferring data under an uncaring facade.

“With how easy it has been for the public to access our files and then spreading rumours of Nabriales throwing parties with unapproved concepts in our office before disposing them by turning them into edible slime-” Emet-Selch failed to hold back a snort at the last phrase, “I’d rather not— Before it’s sufficiently secure enough anyway, because unlike someone I do not take humour in the public sullying of our image.”

  
Emet-Selch held up his hands in a jokingly guilty defeat. He was more like his close friend than he’d ever admit, Lahabrea thought.

_Ding Dong_

The bell tower near the Capitol signalled the time for breakfast; Amaurotines loved dining together in big or small gatherings, although they had little need for nutritious sustenance. Even so they divided up the day to reflect their appreciation of the culinary arts.

  
“Gah, I’m late! Be sure to- never mind, just, linkcall me if-”

  
“Just go you bumbling fool,” Emet-Selch urged his colleague on to go wherever he needed to be with a wavy hand gesture so he could stop tap-dancing around to make sure everything would proceed apace in his absence.

Lahabrea stopped fumbling on his words -and feet- to give him a stern but quick nod, he picked up his bag and exited the room in a hurry. Emet-Selch huffed, he knew this had something to do with the fact that Lahabrea had inherited the memories of his future-self. He was against it at first but he had no choice in the matter when the majority of the Convocation deemed it “Vital Information”.

  
They hadn't expected something so drastic, so different, so… tragic. No one could’ve expected it. But they all learnt to move on and vow to never repeat those mistakes, all except… Lahabrea.

He was the one who got affected the most, being a perfectionist in so many ways, a master in so many fields made his descent into degeneracy all the more painful. He couldn’t fathom, for the first time, how this particular future came to be.  
 _The_ Lahabrea, falling from such grace. It was truly unacceptable, for he was the one the masses looked up to for guidance and reassurance.

Emet-Selch wondered if the damage done to his reputation and his pride was irreversible. If so, it would be… Unfortunate. Though, things could be worse. Knowing the darkness residing in you, what you are capable of in desperate situations, was something Emet-Selch knew of even back before the Sundering.  
With his ties to the Underworld, it made his aura more grim and his personality more reserved than his peers, it put him in strange circumstances to say the least.

The only person who wasn’t hesitant to indulge that side of him was his close friend Hythlodaeus, along with his weird and wonderful propensity for the more chaotic and disturbing side of things. It helped Hades accept his natural disposition on this Star.

  
He hummed out loud, Hyth would know something about Lahabrea taking a sudden day-off. But, thinking it through, he didn’t want to get involved. He turned to the windows, and spotted Lahabrea just about exiting the building. The Speaker walked, albeit with fast steps, into the busy streets, disappearing into the dark-grey homogeneous crowd. Emet-Selch’s eyes followed until he lost track of him and then, he slowly went back to resume his daily duties.

* * *

Thancred was leaning on a lamppost, surveying his surroundings. Almost immediately, he spotted Lahabrea wriggling his way through the crowd, his red mask being the main differentiating factor.

  
Lahabrea took in a deep breath when he spotted Thancred and slowed his pace to approach him.

  
“Master Thancred, I hope I didn’t make you wait too long.”

  
“Not by much, but I thought your kind was punctual to a T,” he smirked at the Speaker.

  
“I— uhm, well that is-” Lahabrea stammered, not wanting to give off a bad first impression. Or would this be the second impression?

  
“I had to make sure things were, for the lack of a better phrase, tidied up.”

  
“Riiiight,” Thancred melodically replied, almost like a teacher forgiving their student’s poor excuse for turning up late.

“Anyroad, want to grab something to eat? I have so much to ask of you,” he grinned through half-lidded eyes, which Lahabrea just took as a sign of morning sleepiness instead of mischief.

“That would be most welcome, I know a-” he stopped as Thancred raised his hand in front of his face. “Actually, I took liberty in arranging us a nice place,” he pointed at the street to the left. Lahabrea was confused but accepted the offer. He nodded and they both headed towards the left pathway between the buildings.

  
“Ah. Here it is!”

  
They stopped at a petite looking cafe. Lahabrea took a peek at the shop’s window. They had many little pastries on display and everything looked absolutely delightful and very appetising. He sighed in relief at the choice of the eatery and took a seat across Thancred.

  
“Now,” Thancred tapped at the menu, “I don’t know about you but I am absolutely famished.”

  
“I guess I am feeling a bit peckish as well, I remember it doesn’t feel the same as you humans do but-” As he reached out to the menu, the man opposite him slammed his menu down at the table and startled Lahabrea like a chocobo seeing a stray snake-looking cucumber.

  
“That’s great to hear because I have something that I’d love for you to try,” Thancred smirked.

  
“Oh?”

  
An Amaurotine appeared with a tray carrying what seemed to be a… Big loaf of bread? They set it down between them and thoughts of confusion and pseudo-nostalgia went through Lahabrea’s mind. He had hazy connections to his future-self’s memories, even less so when he possessed other mortals, like Thancred. But something about this bread, it made his long dormant fight-or-flight instincts activate.

  
“It’s… just bread?”

  
“Not just bread, Lahabrea. It’s an _Archon Loaf_ —”

  
Lahabrea eyed the loaf, which was being cut into slices by Thancred. There was no butter, no side dishes, not even some herbed oil to dip it in. Just bread. Only bread. Something was coming back to him, he-

  
“Here you go,” Thancred handed him a slice, he took it. He was right, it wasn’t a normal bread but he couldn’t for the life of his long self make out what ingredients it seemed to be jam packed with.

  
“It must be exceptionally good if you are to eat this with no accompaniments or condiments,” he commented as he put a slice into his mouth.

  
It was, in a single word, vile. He watched Thancred happily dig in into his own slice while chewing his own without trying to give away the awful taste he was experiencing so as to not upset his guest. Surely the taste buds of their descendants had not deteriorated so? That’s when he started to hear snickering from across him.

  
“So, how is it?”

  
“It is… very interesting Master Thancred,” he gritted through his teeth. Thancred furrowed his brows in slight surprise, he was actually waiting for Lahabrea to immediately spit it out and accuse him of a prank, as do most people when they have their first taste of the Archon Bread. It was becoming abundantly clear that he’d have to push harder to get what he wanted out of Lahabrea, because if he knew anything about these Amaurotines so far, they were an even more rigid and reserved version of the scholars in Sharlayan. Which was something he thought impossible up until this point.

“Don’t worry, I think it’s awful too.”

  
“Wh-”

  
“But, it has the most amazing rejuvenating effect! We’d eat this every day before our early classes back at Sharlayan.”

  
Lahabrea paused and pulled himself and closed his eyes. He explored his aether reserves and to his utter surprise, Thancred was right— Although not substantial for an Amaurotine, there was a noticeable difference in his aether and energy. Any other meal wouldn’t even make a dent aetherically.

  
“Well… I can see why you’d deign to put this through your mouths in the very least,” he chuckled.

  
“I’m glad, I went to lengths to explain the ‘concept’ to the chef here. They almost got it exactly right though, I have to say. It’s still lacking in a bit of the pungent aspect.” Lahabrea shivered as Thancred finished his explanation.

When their “meal” was finished, Lahabrea’s bag began to emit the same buzz from yesterday.

“If you would excuse me for a moment-”

“Sure sure.”

After listening to Lahabrea talk to the inaudible voice in the device, Thancred got up and inquired if everything was good.

“So, who was it?”

“Just an informant, I forgot something in my office, mind if I- _we_ , make a quick stop there?”

“Not a problem,” Thancred replied with a devious smile.

 _His personal workplace?_ Honestly, Lahabrea was too damn trusting.


	3. Never Try to (Re)decorate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thancred brings misfortune onto Lahabrea in his workplace, Lahabrea's patience is being tested further and further... How long can he last?

“Thank you kindly,” 

Lahabrea added a bow to express his gratitude to the shop assistant and  left the table so they could make their way to the Speaker’s Bureau.

As they arrived, they were politely greeted by many going in and out the building, as well as the ones stationed at numerous desks and kiosks.  It annoyed Thancred,  _ a lot _ . Everyone was treating this bastard like some sort of celebrity, it also annoyed him how pristine Lahabrea’s smile was, how perfectly he returned the greetings that were-  _ Oh gods I need a drink... _

They moved up the stairs into a boxy contraption with closing doors; Lahabrea pressed the button near the top of the set. 

“Top floor huh… Got the best view to yourself then huh?” 

Lahabrea shrugged and rubbed his elbow nervously.

“Partially correct— I do share the floor with a couple of my other colleagues though.”

They fell into an awkward silence as the mechanism carried them upwards. Thancred had learnt these were their versions of elevators, they were much more claustrophobic than the ones they had in various technologically advanced places of Eorzea. Although he had to admit, not being able to fall off an elevator had its upsides, especially for more… hyperactive youth, that he may or may not have been once upon a time.  The doors opened with a chime and they were greeted with a lengthy and quiet corridor, Lahabrea exited the elevator with Thancred in tow. They entered a spacious office space, the sleek red furniture was juxtaposed with many animal plushies and models, mostly of the equine type.

_ Interesting taste in decor,  _ Thancred thought while eyeing a horse sculpture that seemed to be in the middle of neigh or an intense sneeze.  While Thancred was looking around, Lahabrea was pulling out some binders from his shelves.

“I’m going to give these to a friend next door, so if you could wait for just a moment…”

“Yeah sure, go ahead,” Thancred shrugged at him nonchalantly.

Lahabrea nodded and closed the door as he left. Thancred exhaled and slumped down on Lahabrea’s desk chair, thinking about what to do or where to go next on their little misadventures. 

He picked up a small plushie which was half horse on top and half fish on the bottom, as he did, a small screen embedded in the desk lit up. Thancred didn’t understand any of the text that was displayed on-screen, but what would go wrong if he just explored Lahabrea’s documents a little?  He pressed whatever funny colored buttons came up, one after the other, trying to get something seemingly interesting pop up.

_ Hm, this guy’s gotta have some freaky erotica stashed in this somewhere if this room’s anything to go by-  _ Instantly, the room walls and furniture changed color, now the once-reddish hued room changed into a cold icy blue.

“Ahhh, now we’re getting somewhere.”

A couple of more presses and he managed to change the lights from a dim yellow to bright pink. 

After playing around some more, Thancred gave up and sank back into his chair, content that he had ruined the aesthetics of Lahabrea’s office. He seated the plush back into its resting place and went to pick up a coffee mug in its stead.

He absent mindedly put the mug to his lips to drink whatever was inside, but instead reeled as soon as he got a taste of what was inside.  “Urgh!” He dropped the mug onto the desk coupled with an onslaught of coughing. 

_ That tasted awful! What is this guy drinking??  _

As he was regaining his composure, the liquid seeped into everything on the desk, including the embedded screen.

_ Is something… burning? _

Bolts of small lightning started crackling out of the screen as the device emitted noises of distress. Thancred jumped out the chair and onto the floor as the device in the desk combusted and broke, altering the entire room’s visage into a glitched up mess. 

“Well… I hope he likes-”  Thancred stopped talking to himself when he saw Lahabrea holding the door open, mouth agape and eyes wide under his mask.

The plushie Thancred was holding dropped down to the floor with a soft ‘squeak’ that permeated through the now dead-silent room.

“Heyyy… So uhm, I may have redecorated a bit—”

Lahabrea started walking towards him, cutting Thancred’s words off while also eyeing up the disaster around him.

“A… A bit? I- I meticulously chose every items color index value,”

The closer he got, the faster and more heated his speech became,

“For each and every single thing in this room, I labored for months to make a harmonious workplace that perfectly enhances inspiration and relaxation at the same time and you-  _ you _ ,”

Lahabrea seemed like he was going to steamroll Thancred with a coming onslaught of words, for a brief moment, he stopped himself and took a deep breath. 

_ Here it comes, he’s finally going to snap and then I can make him realize that- Wait, what is he doing?  _ Thancred’s disappointment and confusion slipped through his facial expressions as Lahabrea clasped his hands in front of his mouth and sighed, seeming to have calmed down in mere seconds.

“It’s… fine. It was, my fault, for leaving liquids near sensitive devices. I might have a backup of my office schema somewhere.” 

“Right…” 

Thancred thought the last line might’ve been a lie but he didn’t know enough about the man to deduce if it was true or not. 

After locking the ruined office, they departed from the office building and began to walk aimlessly around town. While Lahabrea was explaining away what each district was famous for, Thancred was absent-mindedly nodding along and looking out for any new avenues to test the Ascian with.

“-And as you might guess, that is why we have most of the touristic establishments near Anyder.”

“Uh huh…” Came a nonchalant reply.

As Lahabrea rambled on, and Gods did he love to talk  _ on and on,  _ the two came across a verdant path, opening up to what Thancred could only describe as a park.

Thancred nudged Lahabrea in the kidneys, or whatever Amaurotines stored where kidneys were supposed to be. 

“Hey, why not take a stroll there. You can tell me the scientific name of each plant you pass by in the process or something,” He light-heartedly jabbed at the blond.

“What you describe is more of what Halmarut would be doing, but yes, I can show you around our areas of respite,” Lahabrea quipped while looking quite a bit annoyed about Thancred’s comment.

Upon entering through the gates, they were immediately greeted by a gentle breeze carrying the scents of a dense forest, even though the park looked nowhere near as big as one. Many Amaurotines were up and about, either relaxing by nearby tree shades or playing with little critters of different shapes and sizes. They followed the pathway opening up to a small lake, Thancred mulled about, eyeing the weird fish inhabiting the waters while Lahabrea talked to people he had bumped into along the way. 

“I’ll see you guys next week then, ah- and do not forget to bring in your notes.”

“We won’t! Thank you professor~” , “Thank you~” The two younger Amaurotines chimed as they took their leave. 

  
_ Did they say professor? Hmm… _

Thancred approached Lahabrea with a grin beginning to form on his lips. 

“You didn’t tell me you were a Professor as well—” Thancred swung an arm onto Lahabrea’s shoulder to pull him closer, “Why don’t you show me where you teach? The Akademia was it?” he asked while Lahabrea squirmed away from his grasp. 

“Y-yes. I’d be glad to escort you there, Master Thancred.”

“Great, show us the way,  _ Professor  _ Lahabrea.”

Lahabrea exhaled a quick amused huff from his nose, and then led the way to his department in the Akademia. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! As for whatever was in that mug... Let's just say it's safe to consume but you wouldn't want to ever drink it...


	4. How to Ween the Woons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you thought the Akademia chapter was gonna be debate-heavy, you guessed correctly! As usual, there's no shortage of Laha bully (I swear I don't hate him...)

Thancred had been to the Akademia multiple times at the behest of Urianger and Ryne. Especially the library, which he was almost familiarized with now. It had the largest collection of books Thancred had ever seen, all organized in a precise manner. Even the cabinets holding them aesthetically matched the architecture of the building, which was no doubt Emet-Selch’s doing. 

“So why use paper if you guys store everything in those little uhh, datapads of yours?” Thancred inquired, tapping away randomly at a book loan station. 

“Well, we ‘ _guys’_ can gleam the feelings and thoughts of the author and the readers contained in written mediums. With digital mediums, that is not possible. Both, of course, are useful, so we continue to publish in both mediums,” the Speaker eloquently replied, just as if he was answering a studious pupil’s question. 

It made Thancred roll his eyes internally but he couldn’t lie that it also made him feel a tinge of nostalgia for his early days in Sharlayan. _Don’t start attaching sentimental value to anything here, they’re doomed. If they survive we will surely be-_ Thancred’s thoughts were cut short by a gaggle of students passing by behind them. He let his eyes linger on them a little longer to see them enter a little room that you could peer into, thanks to the floor to ceiling window. From what he could tell, it seemed like a group study or meeting room, which instantly popped an idea into Thancred’s devious mind. 

He motioned Lahabrea to follow him, walking up to the door of the room the students had just entered. After giving it a slight knock, he swung it right open and entered with a brimming confidence, counting on the fact that these teens knew who the imposing figure behind him was. 

“Greetings! Sorry for the alarm, nothing serious, juuust checking up on Lahabrea’s lovely disciples.”

He let his eyes wander away from the some-amused some-confused Amaurotine youths and onto the chalkboard in the middle of the room. _Ah, more recognizable old-fashioned items, excellent._

“As a friend of your _dear professor_ , I thought I’d drop by and share some of my wisdom regarding the uhm, far away lands~”

Sounds of wonderment like “Ooooh”s and “Aaaah”s left the students’ mouths; Amaurot didn’t get many foreign academicians. Lahabrea flashed a smile to Thancred, though Lahabrea returned the gesture with a smile himself, his eyes screamed ‘ _What. Are. You. Doing!?_

It seems he was aware of the implications regarding Thancred’s ‘favours’. 

_Good. He should be afraid._

“Now,” clacking the black chalkboard, Thancred turned to get something to write with. “I’d like to go on a hypothetical tangent, I hope you all are polished up on your ethics classes” As he started to draw on the board, Lahabrea eased himself with a mental sigh. _Good, he’s actually going to talk about an actual topic they all can understand. He should have some valuable perspectives as a human, now I wonder what topic he’ll choo-_

“Say this Star split into an ‘x’ number of shards. For this example, we’ll sayyy, 14. This means these shards mirrored the original Star’s properties at 1/14ths of a scale.”

_Oh._

_Oh no._

_“And_ consequently, this means all living things are split the same number of times.”

The Amaurotines looked at each other quizzically, one had already raised a hand. Thancred noticed the gesture and gave them permission to speak.

“Yes! The one with the um,” _Hmm,_ _how do they even tell each other apart?_ “Masked one- with scruffy hair.” 

“Are the souls also split? Or just the vessels? And what about the Underworld, are we re-writing the fundamental metaphysical laws or adapting them into this scenario?”

Thancred, taken aback for a moment at how readily they had accepted and formulated questions to his scenario, paused to think. Luckily, he had Urianger to thank for knowing how to deal with overly-enthused learners.

“Err… Souls, yes. Let’s just say the souls get recycled among each of their respective worlds for now. We can talk about the Underworld later.” _They’re buying it, I can’t believe it… Watch carefully Lahabrea, I’m just getting started—_

“Say, some of you survived this ordeal,” he continued as he scribbled a jank looking Amaurotine on the board. “Now, would it be morally acceptable for you to... let’s say,’’ Thancred paused to look at the students in the eye, “-End the lives of these split beings?” 

“If they can consent to being euthanized, I think so?” A student spoke up.

Thancred shook his head. _Should’ve guessed they wouldn’t think of murder right off the bat._

“I’m not talking about consensual cases,” he replied with a serious tone.

“Unless it's for self-defence, I think they call that ‘homicide’? I hear such things happen outside our neighbouring provinces,” another student chimed in, partly to inform their peers and to get some brownie points from the impromptu substitute teacher.

Thancred grinned, partly due to their innocence and partly out of pity at how susceptible to influence they were.

“ _That they do,_ ” Thancred replied as the students began whispering amongst themselves, “And unfortunately!-” He banged the chalk against the board, silencing the murmurs. “I’ve seen it happen many a time.” 

Gasps echoed throughout the room. No one raised their hand to question that piece of information, they were probably too scared to do so.

“So… My question is,” Thancred broke the silence, “Would you have committed ‘murder’ if you were to kill such a being? They _are_ capable of thought and are quite sapient, mind you. Quite like yourselves, although, their split souls may result in a downsize of their aether reserves; I’m sure you are aware of what consequences that would bring,” He finished, hoping they knew what he spoke of about aetherical reserves being limited.

To his luck, they did know what he meant. 

“Obviously,” one spoke up, “Although, we don’t have any creatures that have sapience alongside such low aether values but, if they existed, I guess they’d have the same rights any cognizant intelligence should have.”

“Oh how pitiful it would be to not be able to partake in Creation though! I just barely conjure a simple concept by using 1/6th of my aether, I can’t imagine having only 1/14th!” Another one interjected. 

“Now now, children,” Thancred hushed his make-shift class while getting a much shiftier look from Lahabrea, “People learn to adapt and grow in such circumstances, ‘Necessity drives innovation’ after all... Anyroad,” he tapped the chalk on the board, “Back to the question.” He scanned the classroom to look for any willing participants. One of the students started to speak, 

“Well, of course it would be murder. Capabilities aren’t relevant, only sentience is,”

“Sentience _and_ sapience,” a smaller student added. 

“I agree, if the split beings still carry our qualities of decision making, even if it is a limited version, we cannot make decisions for them, especially ones concerning their own lives,” another finished.

Thancred, like an overly proud teacher, posed another question.

“So I take it that you lot have determined it to be a _morally corrupt_ action that can be classified as genuine homicide. Good, now then, say one of you performed this heinous crime. How would you hold that person responsible? In other words, what’s the appropriate _punishment? —_ ” 

The Amaurotines murmured among each other, mutterings of various bureaucratic words filled the room before dying down to give each other enough silence to write down notes. A tall one, tentatively, raised their hand.

“I think it should be the highest degree of punishment within our city. Which is a strike on their record followed by exile.” 

“But that’s similar to what we do for academic _plagiarism_. We surely need to make a new and harsher rule for this outlandish crime?” 

_Oh boy… if only they knew,_ Thancred thought to himself.

Another student objected. 

“What about not exiling them but giving them mundane tasks for life?”

A groan of relatable pain permeated throughout the room.

“That’s a good idea, they’d have to live with their guilt every waking day, which is a punishment in and of itself, I think,”

A curly black haired student added to the previous objection, which made the others talk in succession as the discussion got more and more heated.

“But that’s still similar to what we do to what we do to the Philarch’s who cheat for their council position…”

“What if we take away their right to create or use magicks? That’d put them in the place of who they killed, as a constant reminder.”

“Woah! Isn’t that a bit too much?”

“Regarding the circumstances I don’t think it would be-”

Thancred silently withdrew as the room devolved into chaos due to the students finding more and more ways of fantastical punishments. He motioned Lahabrea to come with him, even though he oh-so-enjoyed the look on his face of utter peril upon his students essentially hypothesizing _their head Professor’s_ capital punishment. Luckily, (or unluckily in Thancred’s case) they would probably never find out who they were hypothesizing for.

They were in the main walkway of the library again, the bubbling cacophony of the student’s room could almost be heard by their flailing body language if it weren’t for the sound-proof glass blocking all sound. Thancred turned to look at Lahabrea. Ah, for the first time he was happy to look at his masked mug. The Speaker was _sweating_ _bullets,_ his lips seemed riddled with anxiety, lower cheeks pale as a sheet, _and_ he looked like he could break into tiny pieces if you so much as touched him. 

It was _a bit_ more than Thancred had in mind. 

"I think that was a learning experience for the both of us," Thancred said through a smile. Involuntarily, his hand went to pat Lahabrea on the shoulder, he stopped just as Lahabrea turned to him with a questioning look.

"--I uh…" He stammered, _what am I doing??_

"I was just, um," He shifted his hand into a questioning gesture, "where are the lavatories? That is if you people even..." 

Lahabrea gave him a questioning look before answering. "Last door down the hallway that-a-ways," he pointed to an opening between some bookshelves. 

"Right, I'll be right back." 

"Take your time…" Lahabrea sighed.

Thancred scurried off to find the bathrooms. _I'm not going to feel sorry for that bastard. No way. No. Way. Remember what he did, a little fun won't hurt anyone. Besides, he seems to have everything in life! Honestly I'm doing a favour to everyone here by bringing him down a notch-_

Lost in his thoughts, he realized he had walked into a dead end in a dim corridor. 

_Last door was it? This should be it._

He opened the door and stepped in. The lights lit up and, to his relief, it did resemble a public restroom. In fact, it felt eerily similar to one's he went to in Sharlayan faculties. He stopped himself before he began questioning the similarities and went to wash his face. He had to pretend to do _something_ to feel like he didn't lie to get here. 

He splashed cool water on his face, and did a routine check of the Thancred trademark hair and face. Yup, everything looked fine. He absent-mindedly walked over to what seemed to be a hand dryer. Now this was different… it was a bit larger than a regular dryer. He tentatively put his hands under it and… nothing.

"Ok, weird… maybe if I step on these footpad things?.." He positioned himself and instantly, an automated voice began to speak. 

" **Aetherical anomaly detected. Detaining uncategorized concept."**

 **"** Wait wha-" Before Thancred could finish, the tile under Thancred's feet gave way, and before he could realize it, he was falling downwards into a black abyss.

**Author's Note:**

> A twitter ramble I decided to make a fic out of, I get many ideas but I never actually tried to write them. Fic will get spicy later soooo, yeah/
> 
> If you wanna hmu and talk You can find me @ectojyunk on twitter!


End file.
